Aunt Vadge: why did I bleed after fingering?

Dear Aunt Vadge,

I am 15 years old and last night my boyfriend started to finger pretty rough, and it felt pretty uncomfortable and not satisfying. Afterwards when I got home I went to the restroom and I noticed I had bled a little on my underwear and my vagina felt uncomfortable and with some pain. So I put my finger down there to see if maybe he had hurt me down there and when I touched it my fingers had a little bit of blood on them, so then I ignored it and in the morning when I went to the restroom I still had a little bit of blood. (BTW I’m not a virgin.)

Is this normal? Or was it maybe that he went too rough?

Sincerely,
Fingered

__________

Dear Fingered,

Thank you for your email. Sadly, your situation is very common as you will see by the plethora of Aunt Vadge emails on this topic. To answer your questions directly:

1. It is not normal to bleed and feel uncomfortable after being fingered by anyone. In fact, if any sexual activities you are doing don’t feel good, you are doing something wrong and need to adjust your actions until they do feel good. Fingering is not a blood sport.

2. Your boyfriend was too rough and needs some help and guidance from you on what feels good and what doesn’t. Pain is never ok. We put an article together for guys on how to pleasure a woman with his hands, so send him the link or even better, read through it together so you are both on the same page. We also love oral sex here at All Things Vagina, so we put together a giant guide on how to perform oral sex on a woman for anyone wanting to learn. It is advisable for you both to read through that together too.

Fingering is advanced sex, and beginners shouldn’t be trying to do it as a matter of course – you really need to know what you are doing to use fingers on a lady successfully, and that takes a lot of practice pleasuring women in other ways and understanding how your sexual body and brain works, because it is a bit different to men and the same tactics won’t work on you.

Guys tend to touch girls – at first – the way they would like to be touched, and that tends to be hard and fast – vigorous straight off the bat – and that causes damage, bleeding and pain. Girls often don’t know any better, but don’t like it and do not enjoy it. This means education is in order!

Let us know how you go, and if you have any more questions – we would love to hear from you.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

 

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.