Aunt Vadge: why did fingering hurt the second time and not the first?

Hi Aunt Vadge,

Ok so two days ago I went to my girlfriend’s house and we got intimate.

So she was fingering me, but at first, she wasn’t putting her fingers in, then she asked me did I want her to put them in and I said yeah (I’m also a virgin). So it wasn’t hurting or anything at first, but then a couple of hours later we tried to do it again but it was hurting.

First I tried laying down to see was it still going to hurt, and it did, and I also tried sitting up (we were sitting up when we first did it) but it was still hurting so eventually we gave up.

But my question is: why did it hurt the second time and not the first time?

From,
A.
Age: 17
Country: United States

________

Hi A,

The reason the fingering hurt the second time, and not the first time, is that your girlfriend did a little bit of damage to your vagina the first time.

It’s not hard to hurt yourself or someone else when you first start fooling around. The vaginal entrance can still have hymenal tissue attached, which fingers can disrupt and break a little bit. This might not hurt at the time, especially if it feels good (you don’t notice), but can hurt later if you try again.

Additionally, fingernails and weird angles can cause tiny little scratches that don’t feel like anything much, but with repeat performances, can sting or hurt, just like a regular cut.

None of this is serious – it happens to most of us when we’re learning how to finger and be fingered.

You don’t mention in your letter if you masturbate. Fingering yourself can be a great way to figure out where your edges are, in terms of how many fingers, what hurts and what doesn’t, and what feels good. This is useful information when it comes to directing someone else, so give it a try by yourself!

It could also pay for you and your girlfriend to use a little bit of lube, even just some coconut oil, when fingering in future to help keep it smooth and slippery. Dry fingers, or a partially dry finger, can drag along skin, causing tiny tears in the delicate vulva.

Your vagina and vulva are creatures of their own when it comes to what they can tolerate and what they can’t. You need to learn about this for yourself, to avoid hurting yourself in future. Wet, wet, wet is the name of the game.

Also, it’s important to know that when you are turned on, like fully turned on, your vulva and vaginal tissue swells with blood. This blood acts as a buffer, and results in far less damage than if you are not turned on or just having a good time and not extremely horny.

You’ll learn the difference in terms of how everything feels – a horny vag is wet, plump and everything feels good, while a not-really horny vag can feel a little ho-hum when touched.

Happy fingering!

Best,
Aunt Vadge



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