Vaginas are confusing, we know

Men see their lovers’ vaginas in a way women don’t, which is front on, from behind, from the side, with tastes and smells that few heterosexual women ever enjoy. Women experience their vaginas primarily by touch, a lot of imagination, and a top-down approach.

The vagina is largely invisible to the person who owns it. There are so many bits of wet or dry, wrinkly skin, it’s amazing anyone ever figures it out. 

Lots of women don’t know much at all about their vaginas, so next time you find yourself perplexed, you can consider yourself in good company.

As we go through life, there are many vulvovaginal or reproductive issues that women and people with vaginas will face.

Often, a partner will be there, going through these issues with her. These problems can range from annoying infections to devastating diseases. Life is not always kind.

Having a bit more information on these issues as a partner can be extremely useful, since there is so much tied up in our pelvis besides our reproductive system.

This section is for men who have sex with women or people with biological vaginas. 

Welcome! Don’t forget, if you have any questions, Aunt Vadge knows everything and she’d love to help.

FOR DADS

Anatomy

Know your anatomy

There are so many jokes about clueless guys not being able to find the clitoris, but it’s not that funny when it’s you who can’t find it, or worse, thinks you’ve found it, and it’s not it. 

Knowing your anatomy starts with naming body parts and understanding how each one functions and how it relates to the other parts. The inner labia, for example, is highly vascular and extremely sensitive, whereas the outer labia are just not cut from the same cloth at all. 

Knowing where everything is is your first job.

The best teacher of a body you have is your lover, so if you’re not sure, stop and ask for lessons. Each woman is a bit different, since her pelvic nerve bundles are packed in there somewhat higgildy piggildy compared to men’s pelvic nerve bundles, which means what feels divine to Kiara will be different to what feels divine to Rebecca.

The pelvic nerve bundles are one of the reasons why each woman is genuinely built differently to another when it comes to what gets them off. 

The pelvic nerve bundles

Think of an orderly row of street lights standing to attention down your spine and into your pelvis. Those are your pelvic nerve bundles. Now think of a tangle of 100 fairy lights thrown into her pelvis. That’s what her pelvic nerve bundles look like. It’s now your job to find the access points, the sweet spots, to the bundle – from the outside.

Like a challenge? Good. You’ve got one. She might have no idea where these sweet spots are, so you may have a choose-your-own adventure on your hands.

The arrangement of these nerve bundles is why every woman can be so different in terms of what she likes and doesn’t like in terms of touch and sex, and why generally speaking men’s sweet spots are pretty predictable. Some women orgasm intensely from anal sex, while others just have no idea what the big deal is, despite a good effort – thank you nerve bundles.

These nervous arrangements are also why finding the magic set of areas on her body that she may not even know about is so important for her to be satisfied sexually. If you manage to find them, then you have to learn how to touch them, but that’s another story. (We suggest OMGYES for you both for this undertaking.)

You may not know, but the clitoris is more like the Starship Enterprise than a cute little button. It has legs and arms that get erect, just like your penis does, but inside her body. Your job is to give her a ‘lady boner’, or sex won’t work, just like with you.

If you are paying attention, you will see that a turned-on woman’s vagina and vulva are quite different to when she is not turned on or not turned on enough.

Understanding female anatomy

This comprehensive guide to female anatomy is designed to educate both learners and parents. It covers key anatomical areas such as the labia, clitoris, vagina, and more, providing the latest in anatomy news and insights. Whether you're starting your anatomical journey or looking to deepen your understanding, this guide offers valuable information on the complexities of female anatomy.

Vag basics

The vagina and vulva are integral parts of female anatomy, each with unique structures and functions. From sexual pleasure to childbirth, this guide demystifies their roles and explains the difference between the two, complete with engaging diagrams to enhance understanding. Discover the complexities of these body parts, their contribution to sexual health, and the importance of knowing the correct terminology.

The vulva and vagina through ages and changes

From birth through to old age, the female body experiences significant transformations, particularly in the vulva and vagina. This article delves into the developmental stages, from the effects of hormones in the womb, through puberty, pregnancy, and into menopause, highlighting the natural changes and challenges faced at each stage. Understanding these changes is crucial for health, sexual well-being, and embracing the body's evolution over a lifetime.

What does it feel like for a girl? A flesh comparison

This article delves into the scientific concept of homologues, explaining how male and female genitals share similar tissues, such as the labia majora being akin to the scrotum, and the clitoris to the penis. It highlights the shared base cells from which human reproductive systems are developed, offering insights into the physical connections and understanding between partners.

Sex

Having better sex is everyone’s problem to solve, and while having a real-life lover who teaches you everything you need to know is ideal, it doesn’t always work like that.

Here are some basics to get you started:

What is an orgasm?

Orgasm represents the pinnacle of pleasure in sexual activities, achievable through various means like touching, rubbing, or more. While most individuals can experience orgasms, factors like anatomy and psychological state play roles. The article delves into the nuances of orgasms, including the differences between male and female experiences, and the importance of masturbation in learning to achieve orgasm. It also touches on the hormonal benefits of orgasms, such as the release of oxytocin and dopamine.

Understanding consent

Understanding consent is crucial in fostering respectful and enjoyable sexual relationships. Society often treats sex differently, but the principles of consent apply universally. Whether it's playing tennis or engaging in sexual activity, the absence of an enthusiastic 'yes' is a 'no'. This article delves into the nuances of consent, emphasizing the importance of clear and willing participation in any activity, including sex.

Get to know her with your tongue

Exploring the tastes, smells, and textures of a woman's vulva and vagina can be an incredibly erotic experience. This guide delves deep into the art of oral pleasure, teaching you how to appreciate and stimulate every unique aspect of her anatomy. From understanding the importance of the clitoris to appreciating the variety in pubic hairstyles, this article offers a holistic approach to oral sex that emphasizes communication, admiration, and technique.

How do lesbians lose their virginity?

The concept of virginity in lesbian and queer relationships transcends traditional definitions, focusing on a variety of first sexual experiences rather than the presence of a penis. This article delves into how personal beliefs and intimate moments, from first orgasms to oral sex, shape the understanding of virginity among lesbians, challenging conventional norms and encouraging a broader, more inclusive perspective.

Getting dirty cleanly

Understanding sexual hygiene is crucial for preventing disruptive bacteria and infections in the vagina. This article delves into the importance of cleanliness during sexual activities, particularly anal play, and the role of proper lubrication, avoiding harmful products, and the potential dangers of certain contraceptives on vaginal health. It emphasizes preventative measures to maintain a healthy bacterial balance and protect against infections.

What not to put inside a vagina

Exploring the variety of items that should not be inserted into the vagina, this article sheds light on the potential dangers of common objects and substances, from sugary foods to sharp objects, and the reasons behind these advisories. It emphasizes the importance of vaginal health and provides guidance on safer practices.

Is it safe to put food in your vagina?

Using food in sexual play can be enticing, but it's important to know which foods are safe for vaginal use and which could pose risks. This article delves into the do's and don'ts of incorporating food into your intimate moments, offering guidelines on how to do so safely while avoiding potential hazards like infections or allergic reactions. From vegetables to dairy products, learn what's safe and what's not for a healthy and enjoyable experience.

What ‘being a virgin’ actually means (and doesn’t mean)

Virginity is often seen as a measure of purity and worth, particularly in women, but this perspective is outdated and overlooks the complexity of human sexuality. The article delves into the arbitrary nature of virginity, the role of the hymen, and societal expectations, advocating for a more inclusive and personal understanding of sexual experience.

Infections

Vaginal (and penile) infections you should know about

Men can and do catch and pass on the bacteria from the women they have sex with, since vaginas are full of bacteria. Usually it’s friendly, but it can very easily not be.

Men can catch:

  • Your regular, run-of-the-mill sexually transmitted infections (chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, etc.)
  • The bacteria that cause women to have fishy-smelling vaginas (bacterial vaginosis), but men get no symptoms usually
  • Yeast infections

Men with foreskins collect more bacteria and pass on more bacteria to female partners, particularly bacteria that form biofilms. These biofilms can develop in the urethra an around the head of the penis, being conveniently deposited into vagina after vagina. You may get a clear STI screening, but this does not mean you haven’t left a trail of bad vag behind you.

If you have a history of women with smelly vaginas or vaginal problems, including urinary tract infections, consider reading Killing BV: Guide for Men. If a lover has bad smells, you need to tell them, so they can go and get tested, and you can both be treated if necessary.

Don’t ever put your penis into a vagina that smells bad without a condom. It’s got bad germs, and you can catch them.

The ultimate guide to bacterial vaginosis (BV)

Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) represents the most common vaginal concern among women aged 15-44, characterized by an imbalance of the vaginal microbiome. This condition can lead to symptoms such as odour, unusual discharge, and a shift in vaginal pH, although up to 84% of those diagnosed may not exhibit any symptoms. Understanding the causes, including hormonal changes, stress, and lifestyle choices, alongside comprehensive treatment options, is crucial for managing BV.

PrEP is not just for gay men – it’s for everyone, hetero women included

Despite its proven effectiveness, PrEP, an HIV-prevention drug, remains underutilized by women globally. This article explores the critical need for awareness and adoption of PrEP among women, highlighting its success in preventing HIV infection and challenging the misconception that it's solely for gay men. With women making up a significant portion of new HIV infections, it's time to broaden the conversation and encourage PrEP use across all demographics.

Study: post-BV-treatment sex life and contraceptives use matters

A study reveals the impact of sexual activities and hormonal contraceptive use on the recurrence of bacterial vaginosis (BV) post-treatment. Findings suggest that consistent partner, condom use, and the type of contraceptive can significantly affect recurrence rates, with oestrogen-containing contraceptives offering a protective effect.

What exactly is that fishy smell?

The fishy smell often associated with vaginas, particularly in bacterial vaginosis (BV), is the result of a chemical reaction producing trimethylamine (TMA). This article explores the causes, including dietary factors and metabolic disorders, and delves into the impact on intimacy and potential solutions. It also explains the evolutionary basis of our aversion to the fishy odour and introduces Timberol, a compound that can block the odour.

HPV vaccine – Gardasil and Cervarix – for men and women

HPV vaccines, including Gardasil and Cervarix, offer protection against the human papillomavirus, reducing the risk of genital warts and various cancers. With different types available, they stimulate the immune system to fight future infections. The article discusses vaccine types, how they work, who should be vaccinated, and addresses safety concerns and adverse effects, providing a comprehensive overview for informed decision-making.

Study: men carry BV-associated bacteria on and in their penises

A 2016 study delves into the transmission of bacterial vaginosis (BV)-associated bacteria between heterosexual partners, highlighting the significant role of male genital microbiota and the impact of circumcision on these microbial communities. This research underscores the interconnectedness of sexual partners' microbiomes and sheds light on potential pathways for BV transmission and prevention. LOGIN This is exclusive content for members only! For access to all this and more, you need Killing BV System: Vagina Treatment Guide and Membership or Killing BV System: Penis Treatment Guide and Membership. See you back here soon!

Oral sex and BV transmission

Oral sex may play a role in the transmission of bacterial vaginosis (BV), with evidence suggesting that BV-causing bacteria can survive in the mouth and potentially be passed between partners. This article delves into the relationship between oral sex, BV, and the implications for sexual health, highlighting the need for further research to fully understand the risks and mechanisms of BV transmission through oral sexual activities.

How gentian violet works

Gentian violet, known for its antibacterial, antifungal, and antiparasitic properties, serves as a treatment for various infections, including yeast infections. Despite its effectiveness and minimal side-effects, the use of Gentian Violet comes with safety concerns and limitations, urging users to proceed with caution following an international health warning. This article delves into the history, application, and research surrounding Gentian Violet, offering insights into its benefits and risks.

Birth Control and Contraception

Reasons to think harder about contraception:

  • Be in charge of your first-born (or second, third or fifth)
  • Don’t spread bad vag around
  • Don’t catch an STI

We’ve written up an important post about how men can start being more in charge of no babies. If you are enjoying many lovers, you need to be careful where your sperm ends up. Don’t leave it to chance or up to someone you don’t really know.

What’s new in abortion rights around the world for 2018

2018 brings significant updates in abortion rights worldwide, with Ireland moving towards legalisation and the UK reconsidering criminal sanctions. However, challenges persist in the US and the Netherlands, highlighting the ongoing struggle for accessible abortion services.

Skins: condoms made from sheep intestine

Sheep intestine condoms, known for their natural feel akin to real skin, have gained popularity for those seeking a hormone-free birth control option. While they offer unparalleled sensitivity and are biodegradable, it's crucial to note that they do not protect against STIs. These condoms, a throwback to ancient practices, are now easily accessible online, offering a unique experience for both men and women, despite their higher cost and specific maintenance requirements.

Pregnancy tests – how to get accurate results

Understanding how pregnancy tests work, including the detection of the hCG hormone and the best times for testing, is crucial for accurate results. Home tests offer convenience and early detection, while blood tests at the doctor's office provide definitive confirmation. Learn about the factors affecting test accuracy and how to interpret results for peace of mind.

How babies are made

This article provides a comprehensive yet easy-to-understand overview of the reproductive process, from the moment of fertilisation where sperm meets egg in the fallopian tube, through to ovulation, the development of the embryo, and finally the birth of a baby. It sheds light on the intricate processes of implantation, the formation of the amniotic sac, the development of the placenta, and the growth of the embryo into a foetus ready for birth.

Choosing the best birth control for you

Choosing the right birth control involves understanding the impact on your body and lifestyle. From STI prevention to hormonal and non-hormonal methods, this guide helps you navigate the options to find what works best for you, emphasizing the importance of being in tune with your body's needs and the potential side effects of hormonal contraceptives.

How to catch an STI (the complete guide)

This article takes a satirical approach to understanding how STDs are transmitted, highlighting the importance of choosing sexual partners wisely, the role of location in infection rates, and the critical need for protection and regular STD checks. It serves as a stark reminder of the risks of unprotected sex and the importance of sexual health education.

How men can help take responsibility for no babies

This comprehensive guide delves into how men can actively participate in preventing unwanted pregnancies by understanding female ovulation cycles, the effectiveness and limitations of various birth control methods, and the significance of male contraception options. It emphasizes the importance of mutual responsibility in sexual health and fertility, debunking myths around birth control and highlighting the crucial role of communication and education in navigating reproductive choices.

How fertile is precum?

Precum's fertility varies among men, with some having fertile precum and others not. A study found that 41% of men had live sperm in their precum, raising questions about the effectiveness of the withdrawal method as a form of birth control. This article explores the nuances of precum fertility and its impact on pregnancy risk.

Understanding Hormones

Know thine enemy and become friends – hormones

Women’s hormones go in a predictable cycle of – if we take vaginal fluids as our cue – bleeding, dry, bit moister, silky smooth egg-white ovulatory phase, bit moist, wetter, bleeding again. The lowest ebb of her cycle is the bleeding and dry bit at the end of her period. The most fun part is while she is ovulating. That is, in a woman who is not on any hormonal birth control and has regular monthly cycles.

We don’t live in a perfect world – many women have irregular cycles, underlying medical concerns, and even more are on a form of hormonal birth control that dulls out everything cyclic. If you don’t live in the perfect world of a healthy menstrual cycle, it would pay to educate yourself on how your lover’s cycle may differ from the norm, which will help you to understand what to expect from her.

Hormones do not exist in a reproductive vacuum – they affect every single part of who we are and how we do things, just like men. If you take testosterone away from a man’s body, he’ll get fat and depressed. This applies, albeit differently, to women’s bodies – women need oestrogen and progesterone for their bodies and minds to work optimally.

Progesterone, for example, is a hefty natural anti-anxiety, but you have to ovulate (e.g. not be on hormonal birth control) for progesterone to be released.

The reason progesterone is only for two weeks of every month is because it’s what holds a fertilised egg in the side of the uterus when a woman gets pregnant, until the little foetus can start its own food supply chain. It is also the base hormone from which adrenaline and cortisol are made.

That’s just an example. Your lover(s) may or may not have much idea about their own hormones, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take an interest. It’s pretty interesting stuff!

The real cause of acne (plus the solution)

Acne is fundamentally a hormonal issue, influenced by factors such as diet, skincare habits, and stress. Understanding the three-step process of acne formation—blocked pores, infection, and inflammation—can guide effective management strategies, including dietary changes and natural treatments to balance hormones and combat acne.

How stress causes acne

Stress significantly impacts acne development by causing hormonal imbalances, leading to increased sebum production and inflammation. This article delves into the cortisol-insulin-androgen connection and offers insights into managing stress and dietary changes to mitigate acne. It also highlights the secondary effects of stress on vaginal health, underscoring the interconnectedness of stress, diet, and skin health.

What are polycystic ovaries?

Polycystic ovaries are characterized by the presence of multiple cyst-like follicles on the ovaries, often associated with PCOS, affecting fertility and hormonal balance. While having some follicles is normal, more than 12 per ovary indicates a condition that can lead to symptoms like acne, irregular periods, and insulin resistance. Understanding this condition is crucial for women experiencing related symptoms.

Synthetic hormones in contraceptive pills and rings

This article provides a comprehensive guide on the various synthetic hormones found in contraceptive pills and rings, aimed at assisting individuals in making well-informed choices regarding their contraceptive methods. The detailed table included offers a clear comparison of the hormonal components in different contraceptive options, facilitating a better understanding of each method's potential impact on the body.

How to track your menstrual cycle and identify ovulation

Understanding and tracking your menstrual cycle and ovulation can be empowering. By observing the character and sensations of vaginal fluids, you can chart your cycle and identify fertile days without complex measures. This article guides you through the steps of cycle tracking, interpreting your findings, and understanding the significance of the luteal phase for fertility and menstrual health.

What’s the difference between PMS and PMDD?

Understanding the difference between premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is crucial for proper diagnosis and treatment. While PMS symptoms are often physical, PMDD primarily affects mood and can significantly impact daily life. This article dives into the symptoms, diagnosis criteria, and treatment options for both conditions, helping you identify if you might have PMDD and what steps to take next.

Understanding unopposed oestrogen

Unopposed oestrogen, not counteracted by progesterone, poses significant health risks, such as increased cancer susceptibility, particularly endometrial cancer. It often results from oestrogen-only hormone therapy, obesity, and anovulatory cycles, especially prevalent in menopausal women due to changes in hormone production.

What causes PCOS?

The cause of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is complex, involving factors like insulin resistance, weight, diet, lifestyle, and genetics. Understanding these can help in managing the condition more effectively, despite the medical community not having a definitive answer on the exact cause. This article delves into how insulin resistance affects the body, the impact of weight, and the role of genetics in PCOS, offering insights into managing the condition through lifestyle adjustments.

Ask Aunt Vadge

Aunt Vadge: Did I get my period from being fingered?

A 19-year-old inquires if the experience of being fingered for the first time could cause her period to start early. Aunt Vadge explains that while sexual activity cannot trigger a period, it can make it appear sooner than expected due to the body's hormonal cycle. She emphasizes the importance of understanding one's own anatomy and the natural variability of menstrual cycles.

Aunt Vadge: masturbating with an ice cube has caused me pain in my legs and stomach

A 26-year-old shares her troubling experience with ice cube masturbation, leading to pain in her legs and stomach, and seeks advice from Aunt Vadge. The response highlights the importance of safe masturbation practices, the healing process for minor injuries, and encourages exploring new self-pleasure techniques without guilt.

Aunt Vadge: will this cut on my clitoris ever heal?

A minor cut on the clitoris can be a source of concern, but the good news is that this area heals quickly, often without leaving a scar. Aunt Vadge reassures that with minimal care, such as keeping the area clean and avoiding any irritation, the cut will heal on its own in no time. She also advises on the importance of gentle treatment and communication with partners to prevent future injuries.

Aunt Vadge: Are my vaginal tears herpes?

Vaginal tears often result from sexual activity and are not typically a sign of herpes, which presents as painful sores or blisters. Understanding the nature of these tears and how to care for them is crucial for sexual health. It's important to adopt preventive measures and consult a doctor for recurring issues or if there's a possibility of STDs.

Aunt Vadge: did I rip my hymen masturbating?

A young individual reaches out to Aunt Vadge with concerns about potentially damaging their hymen during masturbation. Aunt Vadge reassures that self-exploration is natural at any age and offers guidance on how to safely explore one's body, emphasizing the importance of lubrication and the self-healing nature of vaginal and vulvar tissues. The response includes advice on stretching the hymen and reassurance about the body's ability to heal.

Aunt Vadge: I was finger-raped

A personal account of non-consensual fingering opens a discussion on consent, the emotional and physical repercussions, and the path to recovery. Aunt Vadge offers advice on recognizing trauma, seeking help, and the importance of consent in sexual experiences. The article emphasizes self-care, the necessity of addressing trauma, and the power of saying no to protect one's wellbeing.

Aunt Vadge: Labia-first into the ocean while water skiing – help!

Experiencing labia cuts from a water skiing accident can be concerning, especially while on holiday. Aunt Vadge advises on swimming safety, the protective role of vaginal flora, and the importance of avoiding antiseptics to let the body's natural defenses heal the injury. Learn how to enjoy your holiday without compromising your health.

Aunt Vadge: menopause is tearing me apart

At 54, experiencing painful vaginal tearing due to low oestrogen levels despite hormone therapy, this article explores holistic and medical strategies to address the underlying issues. From reassessing hormone therapy to incorporating dietary changes and naturopathic care, learn how to navigate menopausal symptoms effectively.

Aunt Vadge: What is first-time sex supposed to feel like?

First-time sex can be a mix of excitement and anxiety. Understanding the physical sensations, from hymen stretching to the feeling of fullness and pleasure, is key. It's crucial to manage anxiety, use lubrication, and communicate with your partner for a comfortable and enjoyable experience. Learn practical tips for a positive first sexual encounter, including the importance of foreplay, using protection, and sexual hygiene.

Aunt Vadge: my period is late but I’m not pregnant – what’s going on?

A late period can be worrying, especially if you're not sexually active. Stress, lifestyle changes, and late ovulation are common reasons for a delayed period. Aunt Vadge explains why it's normal and advises not to stress over the delay. Understanding your body's ovulation cycle can provide reassurance during times of uncertainty.

Aunt Vadge: I’m nearly 15 and don’t have my period yet

Aunt Vadge reassures a 14-year-old that late menstruation is normal, attributing it to genetic factors and body composition. She explains premenstrual symptoms, spotting, and the role of oestrogen in period onset, advising patience and observation.

Aunt Vadge: clotorimazone cream burned my vagina

A reader experienced severe burning and itching after using clotrimazole cream for a yeast infection, leading to discomfort and white flakes inside the vagina. Aunt Vadge advises checking the cream's suitability for vaginal use, considering non-antifungal remedies, and incorporating probiotics and fermented foods for relief and prevention of future yeast infections. She emphasizes the importance of letting the area heal naturally and consulting a doctor if symptoms persist.