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Hey Aunt Vadge,
Two days ago I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was great and pleasurable for both of us – painful at first, then the pain eased once it was fully in. We did go quite rough, and when he noticed I’d bled a little we stopped.
The blood was a small, red-tinged string of mucous, which was weird but I didn’t think much of it. Afterwards I was just a bit sore. Today I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I put a finger in to check – it brushed my wall, hurt a lot, and there was a bit of blood again.
Something’s obviously bleeding. I’m anxious and want to make sure everything’s okay, because I do want to have sex again.
Yours sincerely,
Concerned
Australia
Dear Concerned,
Try not to worry – this is a small graze, not a disaster, and it’ll heal fast. Rough first-time sex on tissue that wasn’t quite ready creates a little tear, which bleeds a bit, and the red-tinged ‘string’ was just blood mixed with discharge – completely in keeping with what you’ve described.
And the reason it bled again is simply that you went in to check it: your finger reopened the healing graze, that’s all. So the single most useful thing you can do is also the hardest for an anxious mind – leave it alone.
No fingering, no inspecting, no sex, no tampons until it’s fully healed, which is usually just a few days. Every poke restarts the clock.
Genital tissue heals quickly, so once you stop disturbing it you’ll be right as rain. See a doctor only if the bleeding turns heavy or won’t stop, the pain worsens rather than settles, or you notice signs of infection (increasing redness, swelling, pus, a bad smell, fever) – none of which is what you’ve got.
The bigger lesson, since you do want a great sex life, is that there’s really no need to go rough, especially while you’re both still learning.
A penis is a whole different thing from fingers, and your job is to be the boss of your own body and not let anything happen that hurts – at the time or after, and they’re not always the same, because when you’re aroused, pain and pleasure sit very close together and you can push through damage without noticing.
So be gentle while you’re both figuring it out, do plenty of non-penetrative stuff (oral, hands, dry humping – good sex is far more than p-in-v), and talk the whole way through: does this hurt, is this angle good, more or less?
Get to know yourself solo first so you can bring that knowledge to him, use lots of lube (dry friction is what tears you, and condoms need re-lubing or they cause ‘rubber burn’), and only ever penetrate when you’re fully aroused – wet, with the tissue plumped with blood, which is your version of an erection.
It’s worth learning how big your clitoris really is and how it engorges, and our guides to sex 101, giving a woman oral and what first-time sex is supposed to feel like all help. Hands off while it heals, then back to it, gently. Write any time.
For soothing and healing minor cuts and tears, here’s how to deal with cuts and tears from fingering and rough sex.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
