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Hi Aunt Vadge,
I’d like to ask a question before I decide anything further. I’m super scared and stressed about it. I’ve had a look around your page and the information always helps me a lot, and I didn’t want to ask other people.
Recently I found small circular cuts that had formed around my clitoris. From my reading, those are called ‘fissures’. I noticed them when I started my period, and I now realise I got them after having intercourse for the first time in 4 years with my current boyfriend.
We spent two weeks of vacation together and tried to have sex 5-6 times, of which three were successful, each time with me mostly on top. Afterwards I noticed little bumps on the right lip of my vagina. I wasn’t sure if it was the usual occasional acne [shaving rash], but the next night they formed even more and turned into fissures. I’m scared of them getting infected.
I also have a prosthetic, with an above-the-knee amputation. I’m not sure if that played a role. It’s got to the point where it’s uncomfortable and I’ve become more of a clean-freak than usual. I was wondering if there’s any medicine or natural remedy to help the healing. Your article on fissures has been really helpful; I’m just trying to speed up the process. Is it possible for fissures to spread if the skin is too irritated? I know I have to wait and let them heal, but I wanted some more tips. I don’t want to worry my boyfriend or my mom.
A few extra details: the ‘acne’ outside the lips turned out to be razor bumps from shaving (I thought shaving would help the fissures heal faster, and immediately regretted it). I’ve been using warmth and aloe vera, which is clearing it up. The fissures are little round splits on the surface of my clitoris and the inner lips. They’ve been there about 7 days and are slowly shrinking. They don’t really bleed, but they sting when I pee, like a paper cut. My boyfriend thinks it happened because I wasn’t wet enough (we stopped using lube because it felt weird). I get very nervous during sex, especially as an amputee, and I only orgasmed once.
Thank you so much!
Fissured
Dear Fissured,
Thanks for the extra detail, which helps confirm these are fissures caused by sex rather than anything else.
How to heal vaginal fissures
There really isn’t a great deal you can do beyond getting out of their way. Don’t irritate them, and keep them lightly lubricated with a tiny bit of cold-pressed vegetable oil (coconut oil, olive oil, whatever you have) after washing once a day with warm water. The oil stops the raw skin catching on other skin as it heals, especially over the clitoris, which makes it a lot more comfortable.
No masturbating, no sex, no touching, no poking about. Just keep your hands and everything else out of it, keep it clean, and it’ll settle. Minor cuts and tears heal well with a moisturising, vulva and vagina-friendly cuts cream.
Sex-caused fissures in the vulvar area almost always heal without scarring or ongoing trouble, a bit like biting your tongue or cheek. So the fissures themselves aren’t the real worry. The bigger question is how to make sex comfortable enough that you stop getting them.
Use silicone lube
I’d bet the lube you tried was water-based, which can go tacky and a bit glue-like. Silicone lube is a completely different experience: silky, smooth and long-lasting, and it doesn’t dry out mid-way. A good one costs a bit more, but you’ll never go back, and it’s safe with latex condoms. For fragile, fissure-prone skin, decent lube isn’t a nice-to-have, it’s the main event.
Getting comfortable, and turned on
As an amputee, you’ve got a couple of extra things to juggle in the sex arena: the anxiety we all carry about feeling desirable, plus the practical business of angles, pressure and positions with a prosthetic. Both are completely workable.
Feeling sexual comes from feeling desired, and that comes from feeling liked, comfortable and cared for. That’s a relationship thing, so the two of you need to talk, including about the awkward stuff. Push through it, because there’s a lovely sigh of relief on the other side of an awkward conversation, and couples who can talk have better sex.
Choose positions for everything, especially foreplay, that don’t cause any discomfort or awkwardness at all. And the single most overlooked thing: make sure you are really, properly turned on before anything penetrative happens. We all rush toward penetration and forget to get aroused first, however arousal works for you.
Here’s the tell that jumped out at me: you called it ‘successful’, but your boyfriend said you looked uncomfortable and in pain. When sex is really working, you both know it, because it’s obvious. Grinning and bearing it isn’t the goal. Anxiety and good sex don’t share a bed well, so anything you can do to ease the nerves will help the fissures as much as the fun.
Read our guides on sex basics, fingering and cunnilingus together, and work on getting you thoroughly turned on so you never have to deal with cuts like these again. Go slow, mix it up, and if the anxiety creeps in, change something: switch positions, ask for more non-penetrative play, have a laugh, or stop altogether. You’re the boss, and nothing bad is going to happen.
You sound like you’re already figuring it out, which is lovely to see. If you need anything else, write any time.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information and not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
