Fingering used to feel good but now it hurts and burns

Author: Aunt Vadge
Qualified Naturopath | BHSc(N)

Last reviewed: July 7, 2026

Hi there Aunt Vadge,

My boyfriend fingers me and it used to feel really good – I’d get to a point where I’d go crazy. But the past two times it really hurts, doesn’t feel good, and I don’t feel turned on at all, even though he isn’t doing anything different. It burns afterwards too.

Sincerely,
Burning

Dear Burning,

There are two quite different things this could be, and it’s worth holding both in mind rather than assuming it’s one or the other.

The first is simply arousal and timing. Our moods, hormones and desire shift across the day and across the menstrual cycle, so what felt amazing last week can feel numb, annoying or plain uncomfortable this week. If you’re being touched when your body isn’t actually turned on and lubricated, that dry friction can really hurt and burn afterwards, even with the exact same technique.¹ Knowing where you are in your cycle helps you spot this – most people feel more switched-on around ovulation and flatter just after their period. Not being in the mood is completely normal, and ‘stop and try another time’ is always a fine answer.

The second, and the reason I don’t want you to just write it off as mood, is that new pain and burning that lingers afterwards can be a sign that something physical has changed. The usual culprits are a yeast infection² or another mild imbalance, plain dryness, a tiny friction tear, or contact dermatitis³ from something new touching the skin – a different soap, lube, laundry powder or even his hand cream. Any of those will turn pleasant touch into a stinging, burning experience.

In our experience, new burning like this usually traces back to something specific and treatable – irritation, a low-grade infection or dryness – so it’s worth pinning down rather than pushing through. So give it a week or two, and if the pain and burning keep happening, or you notice itching, unusual discharge, an odd smell, or stinging when you pee, get it checked with your doctor or a sexual-health clinic so it can be sorted properly.

In the meantime, the golden rule stands: don’t push through something that doesn’t feel good just because it did last time. Plenty of warm-up and lubrication helps a lot (our fingering guide is worth a read together), and if it’s sore, stop and come back to it another day. Your body’s the boss here.

There’s more on whether pain and bleeding after fingering is normal.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge