First-Time: One or Two Fingers?

Author: Jessica Lloyd
Senior Naturopath | BHSc(N) | ISSVD, ISSWSH, BSSM, ATMS

Last reviewed: November 8, 2025

Embarking on new sexual experiences is an exciting and scary time. A lot of discussion surrounds the ‘two fingers or one’ question. Here we’ll discuss some tips for guy-girl beginners, providing clear advice.

On touching another person well

Practice makes perfect

It takes a lot of practice and instruction to touch another person’s body well. Skills are typically refined through repeated experiences with the same person or people, where you can offer constructive feedback and practice. Everyone likes to be touched differently.

Being a good fingerer doesn’t come naturally

Fingering is the one thing that guys hardly ever get right, especially at first, so instead of ‘letting’ him poke at you like he might a frog with a stick, make the experience yours by learning about your own body. Work out what is going to make the experience worth pulling your pants down for.

This guide on the basics of bringing pleasure with fingers is a great place for you both to start. It can be fun to read together, so you can discuss the points, disagree, agree, practice and laugh.

The hair brushing analogy

Imagine having someone with short hair brush your long hair for the first time. If they have very little experience, and you offer no advice, there will be a lot of yanking and knots, and you will not enjoy the experience. They probably won’t either.

If you provide them with advice and a demo, and continue to provide feedback during the brushing, they will have a much better experience, as will you. They won’t get it right straight away; they need to practice.

If your enjoyment is the top priority for you both, with a good instructor (you) and a willing student (him), you can start enjoying yourself sooner.

Two fingers are a lot

Two fingers are too much even for people who have been doing this for decades. Don’t use two fingers until you are both a little more practised, and even then, if one finger is better, go back to one.

One gentle finger, and just up to the first knuckle, is a good starting place.

He’s not an expert

Just because your boyfriend has put his fingers in other vaginas does not make him an expert. He has absolutely no clue what he is doing, which makes two of you.

He is probably more frightened than you are, since you expect him to be the expert – HE IS NOT. He may not know where to find your clitoris if he’s focusing on your vagina (they are not in the same place). If he’s skipping straight to the vagina, he’s an amateur.

How to make your first time not suck

Learn about your own vagina

First, learn about your own body. How can you expect him to know what to do if you don’t know where your own clitoris is? What angle your vagina is on? Where is the entrance? Educate yourself through touch while you’re alone. How girls masturbate is a good basic guide.

Enjoy each other

Make out lots. Touch his body if you feel like it and see what he likes. Make it an experience you have together, not an appointment you have made to get this milestone out of the way.

Always use lube

Definitely use a lubricant – water or silicone-based, or some coconut oil will do (but isn’t compatible with condoms, FYI!). If it hurts, stop, try something else.

Learn how big your clitoris is

Your central sexual anatomy is your clitoral structures, large and deep and pretty impressive. Check out your clitoris and vulvar and vaginal anatomy.

Check for your hymen

To find out if your hymen is intact, prepare yourself with some private exploration. Alone! Learn how to stretch your own hymen here.

Research supports touching yourself!

Research¹ shows that a negative first experience can impact your overall feelings about sex, so don’t put up with discomfort. Studies² also show that people who have good first-time sexual experiences are those who are more comfortable defining what pleasure means to them. So find out!

References³

1.
Reissing ED, Andruff HL, Wentland JJ. Looking Back: The Experience of First Sexual Intercourse and Current Sexual Adjustment in Young Heterosexual Adults. Journal of Sex Research. Published online January 2012:27-35. doi:10.1080/00224499.2010.538951
2.
Boydell V, Wright KQ, Smith RD. A Rapid Review of Sexual Pleasure in First Sexual Experience(s). The Journal of Sex Research. Published online April 19, 2021:850-862. doi:10.1080/00224499.2021.1904810
3.
Michels TM, Kropp RY, Eyre SL, Halpern‐Felsher BL. Initiating Sexual Experiences: How Do Young Adolescents Make Decisions Regarding Early Sexual Activity? J of Research on Adolesc. Published online November 2005:583-607. doi:10.1111/j.1532-7795.2005.00112.x