Day 7 – Diary of a Wimpy Vagina

The Wimpy Vagina

Day Seven

(If you haven’t already, read Day 1 and Day 2)

I love stumbling across ‘inspirational’ quotes the same way some people love reading their horoscopes. They’re similar in that you can usually make them both make sense for your mind frame/situation at the time and because they’re often super lame.

Last night’s find:

“Actually, I jade very quickly. Once is usually enough. Either once only, or every day. If you do something once it’s exciting, and if you do it every day it’s exciting. But if you do it, say, twice or just almost every day, it’s not good any more.” Andy Warhol

The ‘almost every day and it’s not good anymore’ I can relate with, although I’m not convinced that doing anything every day makes it exciting?

I’ve decided that every day I’ll be hauling my vagina up. It’s going to be hard; I’m already bored of it after three sessions. But I think it’ll give me a real chance at resurrecting my vagina.

Today I moved on with Workout Three. Starting with the eight-second ‘Lift and Holds’ of the pelvic floor followed by the ‘Quick Flicks’ (sounds like an exciting short film – it isn’t). These were done in standing position, unlike the other sessions. These moves seem to be a staple of this program and I vaguely remember, from when I first got the DVD, that they are the moves you’re supposed to do as you move through your day. The standing was harder than I thought. It kind of felt like I was wrestling with a toddler who wanted to get down. But if it hurts it’s working right?

Next up was a floor exercise. Laying on my back with bent knees. I had to point my toe out, away from my body, and lift one straight leg until my knees were in same vicinity as each other, then hold and slowly lower. This got my heart pumping and my legs were shaking. Horrible, but good.

Then I was seated opening my legs up with an elastic band around my knees and then closing them and squeezing my cushion. It was all a bit of a fuck up really because I’ve lost my elastic band and tried to make my own. It was floppier than my vagina wall and completely useless. Not to mention that the cushion was so big and competing with my massive hair tie of a band thing that there was very little friction. Completely pointless. I need to either find my band or google what other numpties have done when they’ve lost theirs.

Another new move was some kind of legs apart squat and then when you’re standing up she says “Bring it up, zip it up, squeeze”. At first I thought she meant slowly stand up and then squeeze your butt. So, I very ungracefully did that. But by the last round I think she meant slowly stand up and then ‘zip’ up your pelvic floor and squeeze it in. As in lift your pelvic basket and hold. I need to revisit that move.

Finally, I finished with a seated series of the ‘Lift and Holds’ and ‘Quick Flicks’. Yawn.

If you haven’t noticed yet I’m finding the program worthwhile and uninspiring. I guess I’ll be back with more tomorrow! 

Also, no change in peeing yet.

Go back to Day 2