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Hi Aunt Vadge,
My vagina is dry even after foreplay. My boyfriend has done everything possible to make me wet, but it just doesn’t happen. I lost my virginity a month ago and fingering was lovely a week back – now it hurts because I’m dry. I’m attracted to my partner and I feel turned on during foreplay. What’s the reason?
Yours,
Dry
Age 22, India
Dear Dry,
‘Wet last week, dry this week’ is one of the most normal things going, and it says nothing about your attraction or your health.
The biggest factor is your cycle. Natural lubrication swings a lot across the month – you’re slick and abundant around ovulation, and noticeably drier in the days before your period. ‘Lovely a week ago’ may well have been your wet, ovulating stretch, and now you’ve moved into a drier patch.
A few other things dry you out, too. Being new to sex is one: a month in, it’s easy to get a bit in your head, and that quietly switches off the physical wetness even when you feel turned on, because lubrication runs on relaxed blood flow, not willpower – so slowing right down and taking the pressure off really helps.
Hormonal birth control commonly dials lubrication down as well, and so do plain dehydration and some medications like antihistamines.
The main thing, though: don’t grit your teeth through dryness and let it hurt – just use a good lube (water-based, or a little coconut oil if you’re not using latex condoms). There’s no shame in it whatsoever; everyone’s wetness varies from one day to the next, and plenty of perfectly healthy, very turned-on women reach for lube every single time.
It stops the friction that’s making fingering hurt, on the spot. If you’re consistently dry even when you’re relaxed and properly aroused – not just at one point in your cycle – write back and we’ll look into blood flow and other causes.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
