Aunt Vadge: post-fingering burning, and could I be pregnant?

Hi Aunt Vadge, 

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months and we finally decided to try something. He was fingering me and it felt good at the time, but now it burns and hurts. It was also my very first time so maybe I wasn’t used to it.

Also he had precum on his shorts and I was grabbing his penis but nothing was on it. He seemed to grab his dick and put it down because he had a large boner.

After he was eating me out and was fingering me at the same time. Is there any way I could get pregnant?

I know we didn’t have actual sex, but I just need to stop worrying. It happened today.

Yours,
Worried
Age: 16
Country: United States

Hey Worried,

Our gentlemen friends are not very good at touching vaginas with their fingers when they first start out, because they have absolutely no idea what is supposed to be happening or what it feels like for you and tend to be a bit rough. This means we can end up with soreness, even though it feels good at the time, which is what has happened to you.

You will start to learn what certain things cause you soreness afterwards, and learn how and when fingering can be done without pain. That means learning about how your vulva and vagina changes when it gets turned on – when you are really horny, it fills up with blood, which acts like a cushion and afterwards you won’t have soreness. If you weren’t fully turned on, the vulva is actually quite delicate and can be damaged more easily, even if it feels good.

Then there are fingernails and poking in the wrong direction to contend with.

Both of you should read Fingering Basics, together, so that you are both on the same page as to what should be happening during fingering. Pain afterwards just means he has done something a bit off, but you didn’t know any better so just went along with it. In future, you’ll need to provide him a little more direction, but you’ll learn what that direction needs to be.

It’s ok that neither of you are an expert – nobody is at first, but that feedback of ‘hey that hurts/feels weird/whatever’ makes the difference between you enjoying yourself and him learning to be a good lover, and vice versa when you touch him. Don’t leave each other out of the loop! Being a great lover is all about learning the person’s body you are with, not having the best moves.

As for whether you are pregnant or not, it really doesn’t sound like it’s possible, so just put it out of your head. It might be a good time to start thinking about learning how to use condoms together, however, and learning about when you can and can’t get pregnant. Get a period tracker, start charting your cycles, and see if you can figure out when you are ovulating – it’s information that will last you a lifetime and once you know, you can’t unknow. It will save you so much time and worry energy freaking out over being pregnant! You can’t get pregnant all the time, so learn when you can relax and when you need to be very, very careful.

It sounds like you two will have so much fun together! It’s awesome. Have the BEST time, and write to me anytime with any questions, big or small.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

 

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.